I recently received a letter from a dear friend who follows my blog. It is always a treat to get letters in this era of quick emails and texts, and her letter was a double blessing as she honed in on a couple realities that I have been trying to wrap my mind around as Micah continues on his Spelling to Communicate Journey (S2C).
Micah continues to make gains each week via S2C, thanks in no small part to his S2C Practitioner, Beth Frede and Melody (his aide and fierce advocate). During each session, Micah surprises and impress us with the depth of his knowledge and his auditory recall. His ability to respond with the correct answer to questions from lessons that he appears not to be even paying attention to blows me away. I listen attentively as the lessons are read to him so that I will know if he is answering the questions correctly, but in each and every session I do not come close to the recall that Micah demonstrates. Although I do not believe he was ever formally taught them; he seems to know every state capital. As part of each session Micah is asked some random questions that were not part of the reading and this past week Beth asked him the capital of Florida. I know I knew the answer many moons ago, but as Micah spelled out the first two letters, I thought for sure he was spelling Tampa, so when he poked the letter L, I thought he made a mistake, but of course he was correctly spelling Tallahassee! It has been a lot to process for me as his mother as I know in many ways I have just assumed he was oblivious of so many things that he clearly has been laser focused on over the years.
This brings me to the roller coaster of emotions as I ponder his future. He is so smart, yet his compulsive behaviors propel him to do the craziest things. I so want to fast forward him to a future where he will be “open” and can share just what he is feeling and thinking. Maybe then we will understand why he does certain things, and perhaps replace the challenging behaviors with other actions that are less risky or harmful. I found myself ranting at him this past Saturday after we went to a family gathering, basically asking him why he acts so crazy when he is so smart (I know, not one of my finer parenting moments), but in my defense he had bolted to a hillside and started throwing dirt all over just as we were getting ready to leave what had been a happy graduation celebration for his niece. Micah took off towards the hillside at a run. When he did not respond to my verbal request to stop ripping up plants and sifting the dirt, I tried to move him away from the hill, but he is a big guy and I lost my footing, thus we both went down in the sandy dirt. Nothing hurt but my pride as it was a scene that I certainly did not want to be part of. Thus the rant at my son as we drove home from the gathering.
I am holding onto the hope, that when Micah is open, he can help us understand what drives the behaviors that are unsafe not only for him, but sometimes for those of us who are trying to keep him safe and socially appropriate. The stakes feel higher now that we are getting a clearer understanding of his potential. It feels like he is trapped in a tunnel that we do not know the depth of or the time it will take to dig him out. Now that he seems on the cusp of a so much more fulfilling life, it is hard to wait for the next revelation of what he might be capable of. While we wait, we ponder how best to handle his compulsive behaviors like bolting and pica that hold him back and endanger him at times.
My friend ended her letter by saying that she is praying that God will continue to pour out His restoration for Micah’s captive years.
Captive. Years.
She nailed it, as this is the prayer, when answered, that will be the greatest blessing to him and those who love him. For now we wait impatiently, riding the roller coaster of hope.
Jan Lessard Peightell June 24, 2024
The Micah Lens 