Looking Forward

This month we were blessed to welcome Micah’s new niece and my granddaughter Evangeline Rose into our family. Her arrival has brought joy as well as a reminder of the passage of time. I have been thinking about how old I will be when Evangeline graduates from high school (old) and how old I will be when she graduates from college (really old); will I be around when she marries, what will Micah’s relationship be with this precious child…all questions with answers only known by God.

Interestingly, this month I was asked to sit in on a committee meeting hosted by the area agency that oversees Micah’s program to discuss long term residential options for people with developmental disabilities like my son’s. From time to time I have let myself wonder about Micah’s future, but I have taken no tangible steps except to have peace in the fact that his brother Josh has offered to be his guardian when I am no longer able to fill that role. The committee I now sit on has been a catalyst to explore what options are out there for a safe living situation for Micah if he is not with me. The reality in New Hampshire is that most individuals with developmental disabilities are with their families until their parents are no longer able to care for them. The statistics shared clearly show that those parents, like me, are getting older and will not likely care for their child for the duration of their child’s life. The reality for my son and probably many others is that it is in his best interests to make a plan to transition him to a safe living situation prior to my inability to care for him. Of course none of us know how long we have, but the birth of my granddaughter and the new committee have prompted me to begin to take tangible steps towards creating a long term plan.

Even typing these words raises fears and concerns for me, as like most parents, I do not think anyone can care for my son as well as I can. I also have the experience of having worked at a residential center for special needs individuals, in fact, that is where Micah’s father worked as well when I met him. We both were keenly aware of the pros and cons of residential facilities. We knew that the staff who oversee the children/adults have a critical role in the quality of the programs. Most are well intentioned, but some should have never been hired to care for individuals as vulnerable as our son. This reality has kept me from seriously looking at outside options until this month when life catapulted me into thinking more of my own mortality.

The good news is that there are some model facilities in other states as well as a few in New Hampshire that seem like Micah might actually not only be well cared for, but also might give him additional life experiences not available living at home. The bad news is that they are either full with long waiting lists or are in the process of being built with other families far ahead on potential waiting lists. But the fact that I am now going to get involved with the local committee looking into needed resources for our home area does both encourage and give me peace. It may take a few years planning to create a home nearby that can meet the needs of Micah and others who need a protective, safe setting that will allow them to be as independent as possible. The thought of Micah some day living elsewhere is scary, but perhaps a healthy step forward for all of us. His brother can still oversee his program, with the rest of his siblings circling in to provide critical oversight by visiting and taking him out for family time. Perhaps someday sweet Evangeline will be part of his circle of support as they both grow older together.

Your prayers for wisdom for all in the days and years ahead will be most needed and appreciated.

Jan Lessard Peightell January 25, 2023